I wasn’t going to write this dream.

But since it’s recurring, I’m going to write about it.

Before I do, I need to get this off of my chest.

It’s been weighing heavily on my heart.

Ever since I reconnected with my ex, two days ago.

We talked over the phone and texted.

He said something that hurt me to the core.

And it made me realize that he hadn’t changed.

He’s not a street dude.

So he doesn’t call me out my name.

But he’s passive aggressive when he says things to me.

He said something that he had no business saying to me.

And then he quickly covered it up with a “Why are you being mean to me?”, when I called him out on it.

I don’t have time for the stupid shit anymore.

The “I miss you.” — Let’s fuck, ain’t working anymore.

I’m not in a position financially, to be so stupid.

No, I don’t need 100.00 to get me and my kids something to eat.

I need 3,000 for the rent and deposit, plus lights water and internet.

If you wanted more than just sex, or truly cared anything about me and my kids…

You would man up and try to build something with me.

Ie… “Come on, let’s get a place together.”

We’re both working.

Even if it was a 50/50 situation, I would be down with that.

It would be better than where we’re at now.

And to make matters worse, you can’t even apologize or admit that you were wrong.

You told Blackface some atrocious shit about me, because you were in your feelings.

It was the ultimate betrayal.

I did nothing to you, except walk away and end the connection.

Because It wasn’t going anywhere.

And you got the nerve to think that I would want anything to do with you, outside of a conversation?

I think that I might be done with black men.

I’ve given them too much of my time.

I’ve wasted too many years on them.

They’ve done nothing but hurt me, beat me, raped me, mocked me, disrespected me, taken advantage of me, and left me unprotected in this world.

I can’t even write about my dream.

I’m so hurt, and disappointed in not just my ex, but black men in general.

The Voodoo lady was right.

It’s a NON-BLACK MAN, that’s going to love me the right way.

And treat me how I deserve to be treated, respected, and protected.

And it’s sad…

*Maybe i’ll write about the dream tomorrow.